|
Article Publishing
|
~ suicide jokes to not be taken seriously |
Suicide jokes: has there ever been someone who can laugh at suicide? Isn't the most humble attitude you can have to think of yourself as just a little insignificant dot, so what's the harm in contemplating the death of one.. Okay, only brave fuckers will do this kind of dark comedy as it is pushing the limits
Ice Cream Topping
Guy is getting ice cream ready to eat, finds a jar of bright red marishino cherries, unopened. Then he says to himself "there is probably enough chemicals in this j
entire jar to kill me... if I just eat the whole thing to the bottom. That be a nice way of going ou wouldn't it?" Then he proceeds to wolf down the entire jar and has red stains all over his lips.
Buying Batteries
A guy is at the store buying batteries for his carbon monoxide detector, and says to himself (prefer out loud): "why am I buying these batteries? if the furnace fails or carbon monoxide leaks into the house, do I even care? Why would I even care if the levels are above the danger zone? I'm not sure why this is even an issue or anything to be concerned about? This universe is a piece of shit. LOL"
Guy Finds Draino
A guy is cleaning out his drains with draino... Then asks himself, I wonder which on the shelf store bought chemical will do the quickest painless death if I swallow it, or if painful, at least the shortest amount of pain for the least amount of time: let's see, bleach, draino, ammonia, paint thinner, 500 aspirins blended up in milk, .. hrm, something that will get in the blood quick and fry the heart instantly, without causing massive stomach pain for 30-60 minutes. Fuck, going to have to pull out the old chemistry and health and safety books possibly on this one? Possibly a mixture of two chemicals to make one powerful super chemical, for a low price of only, $12.99, to exit this shit pile planet! Less than the cost of dinner for two.
Cheap and Easy
Math, science, and business problem solving: What is the most economical way to leave this planet? Can I do it under $4.99 ? Is the cost of chemistry a tad more expensive than a rope (technical term: line) at the sailing store or in the hardware section? How much are those straps I seen on sale with a crank on them , you could adjust the pressure on your neck with those to make yourself comfortable. Or is a bottle of blended up tylenols the best method and cheapest route, considering you already have a blender and the expense is already paid (slight cheat). Good old fork in the electric plug outlet might work, they sell forks at the dollar store? But if it fails and you are only partially gone, you're fucked. Could end up with a roasted arm and a fast heart beat, and 30 more years on you.
Electrical Work Done
Guy is working on his electrical box, or some appliance. Wonders if he should turn the breaker off before touching wires or anything power related. Stops, asks himself: you know, if I just leave this powered up, accidentally touch a few silver points here and there, I think I'll be good and done, before all the electrical work is done. Fried meat for supper tonight? Dunno if I'll make it past 5PM considering I started working on this at 3PM.
Visit To The Doctor
Guy visits the doctor. Doctor comes back after reviewing some details and says "you have cancer". The guy says "Great! That gives me one more reason". Doctor says "what?".
Health Food Store
Guy is buying in the bulk section and there are flax seeds near by. Someone says did you know flax seeds have poison in them but only in the hull, so normally the poison is not digested. Guy then goes over to the flax seed bin and buys 15 massive sized bags of them and says gonna blenderize these!
Unfinished Business: Seek And Destroy
Guy is about to make himself gone from the universe, then he asks himself: "wait, if I kill myself there will be nobody here to serve justice to any of the people who damaged and wrecked my life. The guy decides most definitely to not commit suicide, as he needs to stay alive to ruin their lives. Just 5 minutes ago he was in a completely opposite state of mind, but now he flipped into a polar opposite. He was so disgusted with his life but realized his life was not the problem, it was other people in his life. So he decides to completely ruin, trash, and destroy other people and dedicate his life to doing it, and the urge is so strong and the desire is so heated, that he loves staying alive - and even goes to extra lengths to stay alive so he can completely fuck over anyone who had ever destroyed his life.
More
More jokes to come, I had more but forgot them. Will enter here when they come to mind.
|
|