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Article Publishing
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~ mr baseball |
Short Story. Copyright Lars Olson 2017
There was a man that had been obsessed with pitching ever since he was a young child. He carried a baseball almost everywhere. Always throwing it up, and catching it. He would put different spins on the ball and study its physics in the air. At home he had a net in his living room that he would throw the ball at. His house was long enough that the pitch was quite a distance in his house.
One day the man saved up enough money to buy a special collector ball. He walked to the store, and for the first time with no ball in his hand for more than 20 minutes during the walk. When he arrived at the collector store he spent over $10,000 on a baseball from a famous player. The lady handled it with gloves and it was in a vacuum sealed display case for preservation. She sealed it in a plastic bag for the man to carry it home and recommended he buy a display case for it. He took the ball in the sealed plastic bag. He was not going to throw this one around the house or anywhere. He was going to keep it in storage, pure and simple. No touching. For display only.
Walking home, he gets mugged. When he got mugged he dropped the baseball on the ground in the sealed bag. He was held up at gun point. The robber roughed him up and the man fell to the ground. The baseball just looked like an old baseball that had seen its years - of no use to anyone. The robber took his wallet, watch, and all belongings, but was not interested in the baseball. The robber says "stupid old baseball, I hate baseball". The watch was a very important watch that the man's father gave him when he died, and his father said "don't lose this son, this watch has been in our family for more than one generation and I am passing it down to you to take good care of it".
After getting mugged, Mr Baseball still had his baseball worth over $10,000 on the ground. He picked it up and ripped open the bag. He visualized the lady at the store who sold it to him saying "I understand if you have to open this and touch it or even throw it... It's worth so much money that it should remain sealed for the rest of its life, but some times you need to violate this rule". He violated his no touch rule, and now shit was going down. The robber was walking away. Mr Baseball picked up the ball. He wound up, with that pause.... one leg in the air, and waited until the robber turned a bit... and then he threw the fucking baseball as fast as a jet fighter airplane taking off an aircraft carrier. After years of throwing baseballs every day, all day, this baseball was not going to miss. The man had absolute precise aim, and could pitch as fast as any top professional player.
The baseball smashed the skull of the robber in the temple and killed him. Mr Baseball walked over to the robber laying on the ground, and took the belongings back that the robber had stolen. He put his watch back on. He remembered his father and what he said about the watch. He put his wallet back in his pocket. All his belongings were scattered on the ground as the robber dropped them during his fall to the ground after getting pelted by a baseball in the temple. There was no evidence of murder on the victim, as the blow to the head did not leave any finger prints or strangulation marks, nor bullets, nor stab wounds.
Mr Baseball walked home, tossing the ball up in the air, up an down.
This baseball was not going to be in storage. This ball was back in the game.
Mr Baseball didn't tell people about the murder of the robber, except to the lady at the store who he asked out on a date. He went to the store tossing the baseball up and down in the air, and threw it to her. She caught it... then she looked at the ball. "Oh my god!" drops the ball, scared... "This is the baseball that no one is supposed to touch! you opened it! Why did you open the bag?" He says "will you have dinner with me and I will explain?". She accepts.
On the date the man tells her the story. He is wondering what to do as he does not want to get in trouble for killing someone, yet it was self defense.
A few days later he sees on the news that a criminal was found dead on the road wanted for several crimes but no one knows what happened or how he was killed as there is no evidence. Everyone is happy the criminal is dead but they have no idea why.
Turns out Mr Baseball had killed a criminal that had been wanted for several other crimes. Mr Baseball goes into the police station and tells them he has evidence about the criminal who was found dead. The police officer asks "what information do you have?" Mr Baseball says "I threw my baseball at him and killed him with it after he robbed me". The police officer says "you mean you killed him with a baseball bat?". Mr Baseball says "no I used my baseball and threw it at his head". The police officer says "Jesus Christ you must have one hell of a pitch, we've been trying to locate this criminal for years, and you threw a baseball at him and killed him?".. Mr Baseball responds "with an autographed ball worth $12,938 that I was never supposed to put my hands on as it was in a sealed bag". The police don't charge him for anything.
The girl from the store on another date comes to see the man's basement. He has a pitching setup where he throws baseballs at a rocking chair with a square target on it. Sometimes the rocking chairs break so he keeps spares. He shows her the setup and throws a pitch. She opens her eyes wide as if she is scared and at the same time surprised. The second pitch he takes breaks the back of the rocking chair. Once again she looks like a deer staring into headlights and is freaked out. His pitch is so fast that she is scared shitless. "Yes, now I can see why you killed someone with a baseball... I thought maybe it was luck and you just happen to hit him at the right time at the right spot. But, no. No.. you have a killer pitch, literally." Then she throws one and it is much much slower than his pitch but close to the target, she hits the rim of the box.
She asks him if he's ever played baseball. He says "No I always wanted to dedicate my life to my career and felt if I focused on baseball I would ruin my chances as a -enter career name here, to be decided-.
After the date in his house she goes home and gets a list of all the pitching coaches of major league baseball teams she can find. She finds a way to contact them and says "I have a pitcher you will be interested in hiring for your team". The pitching coach responds "Oh really, who's that". She responds "He can pitch better than any of your players, I need you to come see him pitch in his basement where he has a setup that will scare the shit out of you." Pitching coach responds "we get a lot of people saying they know a great pitcher, I'm sorry I'm not interested.". She responds "he killed a man with his pitch. A man robbed him, and he grabbed his collector baseball on the ground, aimed at his head and killed him. I think you should see him pitch, he breaks the backs off rocking chairs in his basement and has killed a criminal with a $12,938 collector baseball that was not supposed to be removed out of the sealed preservation bag". He pauses, squints, pauses again, looks around with darty eyes and responds "You're serious aren't you?" and she says "yes". He responds "Look give me the address of his house and a date and time and I'll come watch him pitch. We'll go from there. On the rocking chair." She gives him the address and picks a date.
She tells her (now) boyfriend that she wants to invite a friend over just for fun to show him the basement and his pitching setup. She pretends he's just an average guy that doesn't know much about baseball. The pitching coach comes over on the date scheduled, baseball cap on, chewing gum. He watches him pitch, and has crossed arms. "Can you throw another?" He keeps saying. Mr Baseball keeps throwing them.. "why don't you throw a few? he says jokingly to the pitching coach who he thinks is just an average guy". The pitching coach throws a few slow ones to not give away anything.... and hits the target rims. The pitching coach says "can you throw another". Mr Baseball smiles "doesn't this bore you or are you interested in baseball quite a bit?". Pitching coach says "Oh this isn't boring, can you throw another?". The pitching coach has a blank baseball hat on with no logo anywhere. Basically he's "undercover". At one point the pitching coach says "just have to check my cell phone" and turns around so no one can see him "keep throwing" he says... He pulls out a "pocket radar" which can detect the speed of the ball, but the pocket radar looks very much like a cell phone. To his surprise (or not, since he can visually see how fast the ball is fasting and knows very well what a fast pitch looks like.. but just wants to be sure as the basement could be providing some kind of speed illusion) the pitches are indeed matching and surpassing professional pitch speeds. After lots of throws the pitching coach finally leaves.
A week later Mr Baseball receives a letter in the mail saying he has made the tryouts for the Boston Red Sox. He doesn't know why he is receiving this letter as he has never spoken to any Red Sox staff nor has he had any contact with MLB teams.
Then he puts two and two together and remembers the guy who came in his basement saying "Can you throw another? Can you throw another? Can you throw another?". Not wanting to jeopardize his career he hesitates. Then he says to himself "this is a letter from the fucking Red Sox". He decides to go to the try outs. He makes the team. His first game he pitches against one of the best batters. The first three pitches he strikes the batter out. The batter looks pissed off, blows a bubble of bubble gum... and frustrated, he walks to his player bench....
but then the batter starts walking back to the plate. Announcer says "what's he doing? he's out. Then the announcer says "he's grabbing the baseball out of the catcher's glove.. what's he doing?" The batter takes the ball, throws it up in the air, and down... looks at the ball (it's the collector ball with autograph on it.... the pitcher demanded that his first game be played using this ball). The batter looks at the ball studies it.. while throwing it up and down. Announcer says "what's he doing? you can't do this in a game". The batter throws the ball to the pitcher (Mr Baseball) underhand, smiles and says "Welcome to the big leagues" chewing his gum.
End of story
This short story is dedicated to MrBaseball34 who is a programmer who used to provide very useful tips on web forums and newsgroups regarding programming (and he probably still does). I don't even know if MrBaseball34 would like this story, but I wrote this story because sometimes during programming breaks I throw a ball around at targets and I remembered the MrBaseball34 user name from a decade ago, and he helped me and many others with programming.
Although that is the end of this story I may expand and update it over time.
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