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~ freebsd time travel conspiracy theory |
I am in the process of writing a humorous story of Operating System development. Operating systems are massive undertakings requiring massive amounts of knowledge, not just in software but in undocumented or poorly documented hardware that needs drivers written for it. Where the hell do developers possibly get the time to work on open source operating systems and write all this code? Some developers claim it's a hobby and they do it in their spare time (yeah right, full respect fellows, but I think you are lying).
The answer is that these people working on these massive projects and massive undertakings known as operating systems, are in fact time travellers. Where do they get the time? Simple: come back in time with a few NYSE stocks that you know will triple in value the next day or the next week, invest in them with your time prediction technology when you are in your 20's (young still capable of massive programming work), then work on a free open source project with your earnings. i.e. lie to people and say "I have a day job, freebsd is just my hobby", when in fact you have no day job and sit on your ass programming all day because you have a million dollars in a swiss bank account, along with your fake identity, similar to the fellow Jason Bourne.
Really, who the fuck are you kidding: you wrote what, hundreds of thousands of lines of code without reimbursement for a free open software project, and you claim to just be an ordinary person? No you are a scam artist and a time traveller, the best one that there is. You come back with a competitive advantage over all software developers: you have time on your side and they do not. There's no way you can write some obscure video card driver, without getting paid, and thousands of lines of code in hundreds of other areas of the OS, without something fishy going on here. You'd normally just work at Microsoft and get paid if you weren't running some kind of scam here.... And then you have the clever time travellers who put on a show and they do get a job at Microsoft or Google just to build a good cover for this conspiracy: make the skeptics think "oh no he really does have a day job, see he works at insert_company_name_here, so your conspiracy is falsified". I think not. That is part of the cover.
Then there is the issue of cloned humans. Not enough time to work on "Haskell" so, clone myself to work on "C" or "ATI video driver", while you still work on Haskell, and tell clone to shut up, keep quiet, and work on the project. If you get caught just claim you have a twin brother, which, in fact is not a lie but truth - as clones are twins, but the believer being scammed really thinks you literally had a twin at birth - when in fact you're a clone, possibly from the past or the future, that was never born out of an actual woman's body.
But how does one differ the clones, from the parallel universe jumpers or jackers? i.e. if some person in a parallel universe hops into this one, and is not a clone, but a copy from another universe of yourself, what's the difference? What the fuck is the difference between a clone, biologically, and a parallel universe instance of yourself? Someone fucking tell me. Really there is not a difference, other than a few technical details.
Do time travellers to get a competitive advantage buy lottery tickets that have winning numbers that are guaranteed as they know the future? Well, this time travel scam (or success) is probably too easy to figure out, so some other method of obtaining money (to then obtain more free time) is used by these scam artists.
Then there are the "time messaging" fuckers who don't actually travel back in time, but simply send a digital message back in time. Let me give you an example... some asshole from year 2025 uploads massive amounts of source code to a github server, but the github server is not in 2025 that he is uploading too.. somehow this open source dickhead (thank him) has figured out a way to upload source code from 2025 (year he is living), all the way back to a year 2017 server, but he did not have to travel back in time himself to upload it. He just sent it back somehow, over a hacked internet connection time messaging system, or over a cell phone that has a github account on it that he some how quantum hacked or quantum entangled. The physics of this horse shit needs to be figured out a bit, I'm just giving pure dog shit half thought out non experimental physics qualified examples here.
Let's just say that time travel and time messaging are an extreme security risk too, as you can literally see someone's data of the past or the future, without their authorization. We all know how mentally ill gang stalkers just show up at the right time and right place seemingly. GPS tracking? possibly more advanced: time information of the future. Why track someone's GPS as a mentally ill gang stalker, when you can just peer into the future and see where the person goes, kind of like the voyeuristic mentally ill simulation authors in the movie World on a Wire (or, if you can't find that German film, there's also The Thirteenth Floor) who can view their simulated world on a screen and see their characters and predict all their actions.
Do you actually think all these open source dudes are for real?
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